Sometimes Depression is Silence.

When depression is silence is it is a gift, a cold isolating gift where you feel nothing and care about nothing. It hurts. It is a void, and you are alone.

But depression is rarely silent. It is an assault on your well being in the form of doubts, regrets, your memories become weapons against you, what you have is violently replaced by intrusive thoughts of what you don't have. Happiness is a sensation you will never have again.

All your hurts, all of your insecurities, all those dreams you once had that now feel so unattainable, they haunt you, they assail and incapacitate you to everyone and everything. And there is no rest, no reprise.

Logically, you know that this assault on your very core is all lies caused by your depression, but that same depression strips you of any tools you possess that could help you fight it. It tries to isolate you from everyone, even from the Holy Spirit that you know, came to dwell in you, so that you would never be alone again.

But God is bigger than depression, His weapons are LOVE and HOPE. i must take comfort in that one truth, even when under attack from all depressions lies. i might succeed in pushing away anyone that ever cared for me, or loved me, but God will not be separated from those who LOVE Him. 

He will never leave and He is determined to be close. He will give me strength to get up and face each day when depression has robbed me of all my desire to do so.  i must hold on to that truth, no matter what lies depression tells. i have to survive, because i know that God has better things in His plans for me.

Depression is seductive, it tells me that if i just let go, if i let everything end, then the pain will stop, and i will rest.  i will not let it win, i will find my comfort in the TRUTH that God loves me, that He does not make mistakes, and that the day will come when there will be no more pain.

 

Letting God define me

Rejoice! Rejoice! The Lord your God LOVES you!

You are precious, a new creation in Christ Jesus.

And that is great news!

I have been struggling the past few days with the helplessness that comes from feeling trapped by mental illness, that despite all my efforts, my illness tries to define me.

BUT i let my GOD define me. And when the world tries to switch my focus to what i don't have, i fix my eyes on God, and the victory i have in Him.

May 29, 2014

God gave me something yesterday and i want to share it with you. I had a very rough start to the day, i had had a misunderstanding with a friend the day before and it was weighing on me, and i was starting the day with that.

i was upset, and God showed me that i was bringing past hurts and past situations to this new problem, and i was letting that control how i reacted.

He gave me peace and reminded me not to carry worries forward. He allowed me to just let go and let God,

and He did this all while reminding me how important it is to start the day with Jesus. 

i hope today you are able to discern where past hurts are influencing current moments, and that God will take them from you.

May 31, 2014


Today i hope you know, that God may test your faith, but He will never be unfaithful. 

He could not love you more than He does at this moment, and no matter how you think you fail, no matter what happens, He could never love you less.

I hope you live your life knowing that Jesus thought your life was worth dying for.

I hope you know that you are SO loved.

thoughts on atheism

In my experience some atheists are just as, if not more unreasonable and offensive as the Christians they rally against. 

As a Christian i respect your right to believe or not believe in God. I will joyfully give you my testimony and tell you why i am thrilled to be beloved of our Savior- i will tell you what he has done in my life, and what he continues to do.

But i will not get into a debate on God's word, i wont engage in a verse against verse bible battle with anyone. I will not permit you to devalue me because of my beliefs. 

i also will not listen to anyone who wants to tell me that GOD hates. OR that God wants anyone to judge and spread hatred. To do any of those things is to devalue the great gift God gave us in His Son Jesus Christ. 

He died so that we could exist in a new covenant with God. A life with not condemnation, a life abundant in God's love, a life filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit. 

Do not confuse the hatred of small minded people with actual Christianity. Pity them, pray for them. But do not paint us all with the same brush. And remember God's love is unconditional, you might not believe, but i do and when i pray for you, i know that He will hear me.

thanks for reading xx
adi