As i have seen a lot of victim blaming lately, i thought i would share this. It is desperately hard to come forward, but please remember when we do not come forward we continue the silence.

 I regret that i did not press charges, i let the fact that it would be an inconvience to my friends, that it was an uncomfortable truth, that i was not sure i could deal with the process, i took bad advice, i let it go. i should not have.

Sexual Assault Statistics in Canada ( from Statistics Canada)

A Numerical Representation of the Truth

Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police

1 - 2% of "date rape" sexual assaults are reported to the police
1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
11% of women have physical injury resulting for sexual assault
Only 2 - 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
over 80% of sex crime victims are women
80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
83% of disabled women will be sexual assaulted during their lifetime
15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships
57% of aboriginal women have been sexually abused
1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim

the romance of self medication

i’ve had mental illness all my life, i had my first depressive episode when i was six.

The idea that you can self medicate with drugs is always there, like, when i am really really depressed i know, i could, induce mania. 

But i do not. Do i think i am strong? NO. i know i am lucky, that it would be just as easy for me to be stuck in a cycle of mental illness and self medicating with drugs and alcohol as it is to type this.  

Addiction is a crap shoot, your upbringing, your genetics, where you live, who you were friends with, any and all these things can make the difference between being an addict, and not being an addict.

That’s why i get so nervous around people who misuse alcohol, or who do drugs, especially the ones who say that weed is ‘safe’

It’s not safe.  Maybe it is not dangerous for everyone, but it changes how your brain works, and can cause a break in people who are prone to mental illness.

You might never have mental illness in your life, even though you are at risk for it, until you start using, cocaine, weed, meth, all these drugs change the chemistry in your brain.

do research, be careful, and examine why you are tempted to use, if you are self medicating, get help.

http://cannabisandpsychosis.ca/more-information/what-do-we-know/psychosis/what-is-psychosis/

Sometimes Depression is Silence.

When depression is silence is it is a gift, a cold isolating gift where you feel nothing and care about nothing. It hurts. It is a void, and you are alone.

But depression is rarely silent. It is an assault on your well being in the form of doubts, regrets, your memories become weapons against you, what you have is violently replaced by intrusive thoughts of what you don't have. Happiness is a sensation you will never have again.

All your hurts, all of your insecurities, all those dreams you once had that now feel so unattainable, they haunt you, they assail and incapacitate you to everyone and everything. And there is no rest, no reprise.

Logically, you know that this assault on your very core is all lies caused by your depression, but that same depression strips you of any tools you possess that could help you fight it. It tries to isolate you from everyone, even from the Holy Spirit that you know, came to dwell in you, so that you would never be alone again.

But God is bigger than depression, His weapons are LOVE and HOPE. i must take comfort in that one truth, even when under attack from all depressions lies. i might succeed in pushing away anyone that ever cared for me, or loved me, but God will not be separated from those who LOVE Him. 

He will never leave and He is determined to be close. He will give me strength to get up and face each day when depression has robbed me of all my desire to do so.  i must hold on to that truth, no matter what lies depression tells. i have to survive, because i know that God has better things in His plans for me.

Depression is seductive, it tells me that if i just let go, if i let everything end, then the pain will stop, and i will rest.  i will not let it win, i will find my comfort in the TRUTH that God loves me, that He does not make mistakes, and that the day will come when there will be no more pain.